I can only write on this blog when I am inspired.
I used to believe that I would like to eventually make a living as a blogger. However when I actually started viewing blogging as something other than a hobby, I had the worst writer’s block. When I’m not inspired, my words simply do not flow and my writing is no longer authentic.
I also hated writing while imagining my readers’ reactions. What tone of voice should I use? What type of personalities do I want to attract? It was so uncomfortably contriving.
For the longest time, I thought that my passion had to = my job. So the fact that the two were not the same really stressed me out! Then I realized that I am perfectly content with keeping my full time job while pursuing my passion on the side. In fact, for now, I want my passion to remain as my passion and not as an income generator.
You see, I was attaching too much of my identity to my daytime job. I was asked repeatedly when I was younger to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up and not who I wanted to be. So for years, I was trapped in this socially constructed idea that it was the most important question in life. Many of my friends are still struggling with this question…
Now, I’ve realized that there is no final destination, no job title that can define me. I am who I am despite what I do for a living and it is shown through my interactions in my every day life. I’m focusing on the ‘who’ because the ‘what’ will follow. I will not let others (parents, society) pressure me into anything I am not.
Why am I only realizing this now, when it was right in front of me my whole life?
Now that I am out of the invisible prison, I feel more free to just be…
So who am I?
These past 2 weeks of my life have been…transformative. After my family reunion trip in Hawaii, I connected with a number of different people that I would normally not see, and reflected on those who touched my life in my past. Talking to each person helped me learn even more about who I am and what I wanted to do in life.
First, I love how when I talk to people, it always feels like I am sharing a part of my soul with them. If it were possible, I would love to be friends with every living being on the planet. I see that in an invisible way, we already are connected.
I’ve always felt a sense of ‘oneness’, and that we are all interconnected in this world. I believe that when we throw hate and anger into the world, we are hurting ourselves because the negative energy will travel around and we are not separate from anyone else.
The same applies to love. And right now, more than ever, I feel like the world needs love because it is in a lot of pain…So I want to continually spread kindness and love around me everywhere I go to create ripples of positivity, trusting that it will flow to others across the world. I no longer want to be ‘successful’ like I used to…in fact that just seems pointless now. I just want to live each and every day as a loving human being, helping others whenever I am able.
This is such a simple concept but I had never verbalized the idea and constructed it into words I would live by.
This seems to align with what the 15 year old me wrote on an old blog post:
Living in this world together, we must help one another because no one else will. That is my motivation.